Inuzuka Kiba: A Ninja's Tale
by Plum Bucket and Caddish Kettle
Summary: To impress Hinata, Kiba produces a home movie and forces a reluctant Shino to help him audition the Konoha rookies. Between Naruto's sabotage attempts and Sasuke constantly stealing the spotlight, Kiba's motion picture is a disaster waiting to happen...
1. Meeting at the Arena

**A/N**: Yo! Another little humor fic—nothing to be taken seriously. Feedback on the writing and content is always appreciated.

I also enjoy flames…show me what you've got!

**Disclaimer**: Kishimoto Masashi is the awesome owner of Naruto. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

**References**:

1.There is such a comic as _Larryboy—the angry eyebrow_. I just **had** to work it in.

2. The title _A Ninja's Tale _is surely a rip-off from some other movie…which I can't put my fingers on at the moment. Anyway, it's still in the not-my-own-idea territory.

The rest is all my own work. Huzzah!

**Summary**: Kiba, eager to impress Hinata, decides to produce a home movie and forces a reluctant Shino to help him audition the Konoha rookies. Between Naruto's ridiculous sabotage attempts and Sasuke constantly stealing the spotlight, Kiba's motion picture is just a disaster waiting to happen…

* * *

**Inuzuka Kiba: A Ninja's Tale**

"This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard."

Easily annoyed, Shino had a general dislike for his loud-mouthed teammate. He had an even more profound dislike for his random far-fetched ideas—and this one took the cake.

It was certainly not the first time Kiba concocted a scheme to impress Hinata and it probably would not be the last. Proud of his new idea, the boisterous Nin took a smug pose and replied to a reluctant Shino, "this is the best thing you have ever heard," he eagerly insisted. " Don't go fronting on me!"

The insect-friendly ninja rolled his eyes and sighed, hardly enthralled by Kiba's heated diatribe. "A home movie?" He queried sluggishly, faking some semblance of interest. "You, of all people, are planning to make a movie?"

"Yes! A motion picture depicting the dangerous life of Konoha ninjas. An action-packed thriller featuring a sizzling hero."

"Interesting. Wouldn't miss _that_ for the world," Shino affirmed, his sarcasm almost tangible.

Ignoring Shino's obvious disinteresting, Kiba pursued with even more ardor, "and do you know who this sizzling hero will be?"

"…Uchiha Sasuke…"

Somewhere between infuriated and discouraged, the Inuzuka boy inwardly cursed his strange teammate for his apt yet, inaccurate guess. "No, you knave," he exclaimed after a short pause. "**I **will be this sizzling hero. All eyes will be on **me** and not on that dolt, Sasuke!"

"Wonderful. Well, I'll leave you to it…"

"Not so fast, bug boy," Kiba said, his probing eyes narrowing in on his teammate. "I'm going to make you an offer you cannot refuse…"

* * *

A Ninja's Tale: The Movie  
Casting Call—Starting Monday at 8:00 AM  
Location: Konoha Test Arena  
See Inuzuka Kiba and Aburame Shino for information

Gathering around the advertisement banner, a small crowd avidly read the words. Intrigued, the rookie genins of Konoha had no intention of passing up this chance for celebrity. Everyone seemed curious, even excited, about the possibility of starring in a homemade movie. All, except for the few, the proud, the ones who would always remain cynical no matter what…

"What a stupid, annoying idea this is," Sasuke placidly stated, taking his distances from the growing crowd. "What kind of idiot would want to be in a movie made by those two losers…"

"You're right, Sasuke-kun," the pink-headed girl besides him acquiesced as she suddenly feigned disinterest. "This is _sooo_ lame."

Of course, deep inside, the hyperactive girl promised herself that when her beau would be out of site, she would immediately run to the casting. Haruno Sakura knew she was a born star and as Konoha's most famous actress, Sasuke would be bound to notice her in all her glory.

Unfortunately, Yamanaka Ino had the same idea. "Isn't this great," she shouted in glee to Chouji who was standing right next to her without forgetting a side-glare to her eternal rival. "I'm a born star! I'll get the lead role, right Chouji-kun?"

"...Right…" The pudgy boy agreed, secretly hoping there was a part for a devilish, big-boned yet, handsome ninja in Kiba's movie. Smirking to himself, Chouji imagined the rabid fan girls fighting for his autograph and clawing through the masses to be first in line…_Yeah,_ the boy thought. _In your face, Shikamaru._

All of Konoha was in hype over the idea—the anticipation growing greater as the fated day approached. Soon, the testing arena would be fill up with mirthful youths desperate for their fifteen minutes of fame.

* * *

"Can you see her?" 

Shino languidly glanced out the window. "Yeah, she's here…Wait, never mind, it seems the janitor is sporting some sort of hat today."

"Noooo! Damn it, where's Hinata?" Kiba angrily shouted. "I can't let some jerk like Naruto beat me to the punch."

"Speaking of which, seems he showed up at your casting…" Shino stated matter-of-factly, adjusting his shades as he gazed at the gathering below.

The ninken master frowned; he was somewhat annoyed that Naruto was lurking about. "If _he_ thinks I'll cast him in **my **motion picture…"

"Shame, I had the perfect tagline—stupid actors for a stupid movie."

"Shino! Why don't you just…" Cutting off Kiba's aggressive comeback, a sensational bang followed by piercing shriek came from the lower arena. "What the hell was that?" The aspiring producer queried.

Hardly compelled to look down, Shino slowly replied. "Looks like Rock Lee."

* * *

A few feet below, the casting location quickly filled up, the figurants were getting antsy and Konoha's Azure Beast was giving credence to his name as his _dynamic entry_ accidentally landed on Naruto. More on edge than the rest of them, the Kyuubi boy did not pass the opportunity to cause a major ruckus. 

"Argh! What the…Thick-Brows," Naruto exclaimed, ready for a fight. Agitatedly gesturing towards his shamed comrade, he pursued, "if it's a fight you want!"

"Naruto!" Sakura's thundering voice came crashing down, stopping the blond boy dead in his tracks. "I told you to leave Lee-san alone!"

"But Sakura-chan!" He insisted. "Didn't you see that? And with a brow like that, unless Kiba's flick is a take on _Larryboy—the angry eyebrow, _he…"

"Shut up, Naruto!" The pink-headed girl exasperatedly demanded. "I'm going to be a star and no one, and I'm mean **no one**, will ruin that for me."

As if the greater universal powers had nothing better to do than to conspire against Haruno Sakura, a familiar voice jarred her out of her heated speech. "What is this, the guild of village idiots?"

"Sasuke-kun!" She blurted out, in frantic shock that he showed up to the audition. Desperate to avoid humiliation in front of the prodigal Uchiha boy, she decided to play it cool. "W-what are y-you doing here?" She stammered. "I'm just here to keep an eye on Naruto and…"

"Yeah, right…" The blond-haired boy gritted out, trying to quell his rage at the sight of his rival.

"Came to audition, Sasuke-kun," Lee inquired, scoping out his competition like a hawk.

"…No…"

_Damn that Sasuke_. _What a hypocrite,_ Naruto mumbled to himself, convinced that Sasuke had actually showed up with the sole intention of stealing his thunder. "All right, everyone," he shouted. " This is my moment of glory!"

"I'm afraid you won't be able to one-up me, Naruto-kun," Lee reaffirmed, sending the nine-tails host in a new frenzy.

* * *

Shino and Kiba looked on from above as the regular tension unfolded amongst the Konoha Genins. Akamaru on his shoulder, the spiky brown-haired boy turned to his partner in crime. "Best we go explain the casting rules now…before Naruto ruins **my** moment of glory…yet again!" 

Yes, Uzumaki Naruto would never miss the chance to ruin Kiba's moment of glory. Although unwittingly, this time was no exception. "Oh yeah! Well I'll insult _him_ if I want to!" He cried out at Lee's attention.

However smooth on the outside, Rock Lee was always up for a challenge and, more importantly, would never endure someone insulting his sensei—especially with poorly thought-out eyebrow jokes. "We're on, Naruto-kun! Let's fight! Nobody calls Gai-sensei a street broom and gets away with it! "

"This is too troublesome," Shikamaru remarked from the sidelines, trying to catch a few zees in the long grass of the arena. "Take it somewhere else, idiots. You're disturbing me…"

Absent-mindedly stepping over Shikamaru—the latter was pleasantly lying down—Kiba raced to stop the impending battle. "_Na-ru-toooo_! Put a sock in it, we're going to announce our casting procedure."

Shortly after, Shino and Kiba took place on the dais and through the ruckus, began giving directions. However, they were constantly disturbed by the perennial tirade between Naruto and Lee.

Kiba, determined to be the center of attention, kept explaining the premise of his movie, ignoring the nagging voice of the Kyuubi boy raging '_Yeah, wanna piece o' this? _' through out his whole explication.

"Remember," Shino added. "We will test only your acting skills. So, no pointless fighting. Are there any questions?"

"Yeah!" Naruto interjected. "I want to go first. Make me audition first!" He demanded, knowing that Lee would also want to go first.

Arms crossed, eyes glazed over, Shino sighed in discouragement. "You're a cretin, aren't you?"

Kiba smirked; he could feel a plan coming on as his glance shifted fro the infuriated Lee to the smug Naruto. As producer and casting director of his movie, he could make the audition be just about anything…and humiliating his most annoying rival would truly give him a happy. "All right, Naruto-kun," he acquiesced with a devilish grin. "You're up."


	2. Of Tunes and Thickheads

**A/N**: Thanks to everyone who reviewed chapter one—you've made chapter two possible. If this flies, I'll probably update weekly. Support the madness, give some feedback.

**Disclaimer**: Naruto and all related characters are property of Kishimoto Masashi. Therefore, no money is made from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.

**References**:

1.Ahh! The sausage song. It's called _I had a Sausage_; a not-so-famous children's song but it's oh-so-hilarious. Why did I work it in/ Am I on drugs? No, just your run-of-the-mill retard.

I absolutely own the rest. Woo-hoo, I'm teh proud…sorta.

**Summary**: Hinata rejoins her teammates; Kiba gives Naruto a rather awkward shot at acting; meanwhile, Kakashi puts the proverbial kibosh in Sasuke's arrogance.

**

* * *

**

--Chapter two--

**Of Tunes and Thickheads**

As he prepared the first try outs, Kiba, smothered with self-satisfaction, turned to his partner. "The wheels in my head have been turning, Shino…"

"You don't say," the bug Nin replied with an audible yawn of exasperation.

"I do say, my dim-witted apprentice. And this time, Naruto is going down."

"He's already down…and dirty…with Lee, " Shino paused before adding, "fighting to see who gets the first try out."

"Not this again," the ninken master muttered, frowning at the sight of the free-for-all going on below. "Somebody had better stop them…"

As this audition culminated into a circus, a bored Shino shook his head in contempt. "Well, you said you wanted to humiliate Naruto," he remarked, disinterestedly looking down at petulant duo getting it on like a house on fire. "He seems already rather ridiculous…"

"Wait till Hinata seems him looking like a dolt. She's bound to realize he's the worst ninja in Konoha, " Kiba affirmed triumphantly as he curiously leaned over his companion to see who was winning.

"Odds are five to one against Lee." Shino answered without waiting for the question.

"Gah! Let's audition him now before Lame-Jutsu-Naruto strikes again and ruins the landscape by making himself implode or something," the annoyed producer replied, all the more ready to exact vengeance upon his air-headed rival.

Before the two boys could return to their casting chair, they were interrupted by the last member of their training team; waving softly and politely, Hinata stood shyly near the door hoping her friends would notice her.

Forthwith, the producer made his way towards the elusive token female of team eight. "Hinata! You came to my casting…were you auditioning?" Kiba questioned eagerly, expecting her to answer by the affirmative. "Because I can guaranty a lead part for you…"

"K-Kiba-kun," the girl meekly stammered, half-flattered, half-ashamed that her teammate would be so kind to her. "No," she pursued, her tone slowly stabilizing. "I came to see Naruto-kun audition."

_Noooooooo!_ Kiba raged inside, feeling the bitter pangs of jealousy. It took a lengthy period of brooding before he could put the reins on his inner defeatist discourse; he realized that after the audition, Hinata would surely prefer him to that prat. _On second thought_, he carefully reconsidered. _This is perfect_.

"You can sit with us during try outs," the insect Shinobi casually mentioned as he shuffled off towards the lower arena.

Everyone stilled as Shino and Kiba readied to audition Naruto. The latter, too preoccupied with showing Lee who's boss, scarcely noticed as team eight reclaimed the dais and demanded silence.

Upon noticing the respect Kiba now suddenly commanded—except in regards to Naruto—Hinata gasped in shock. "Wow, Kiba-kun," she said, her voice slightly wavering. "You really are going to be a famous producer."

"What can I say," Kiba proudly admitted, desperately trying to show off. "When I pass, all eyes turn."

"More like _stomachs_ if you ask me…" Shino mumbled to himself, irked by his partner's overbearing arrogance despite the pandemonium this casting call created amongst the Konoha genins.

Overhearing and acknowledging Shino with a glare, Kiba called out to Naruto—who sluggishly turned himself away from Lee—and invited him on the dais. "All right, Naruto-kun," he said, palpable anticipation in his tone. "I have the perfect acting test for you…"

"Excuse me, Kiba-kun," Lee shouted from behind the crowd. "I should try first. In fact, I've prepared an amusing puppet show for the occasion…"

"No, I must be painstakingly methodical with who gets humili…auditioned first," he answered with a dissatisfied grumble. After which, the producer brushed off the new complaints together with the puzzled stares and pursued with his primary plan. "So, Naruto, got any musical talents?"

The words _musical talent_ were not commonly used in the same sentence as the word _Naruto_. Strike that. In fact, the word _talent_ was never adopted unless it was to say he had none. Violently halting the growing clamor, the composite of those words urged everyone to look on in silence as Naruto's face turned from his usual shade of smugness to a brighter shade of red. Even the disinterested Shikamaru rose to his elbows to witness this disaster in the making.

Only Hinata seemed to have unequivocal faith in the outcome of Naruto's interview. "G-good luck, Naruto-kun," she almost stuttered as he walked passed her.

"You want me to s-s-sing?" The Kyuubi boy exclaimed, a glint of fear in his eyes.

"I was thinking that this might be a musical. I've even written a song for you…" Kiba chuckled. Seemingly very proud of himself, he resumed in the most serious of tones, taking the time to emphasize each word of his artistic creation. " It goes as follow:

_I had a little sausage.  
A pretty little sausage.  
I put it in the oven for my tea.  
I went down the cellar to get my umbrella.  
And the sausage ran after me_."

His eyes widening in disbelief, Naruto turned his petrified stare at Kiba. "What the…"

"Sing it!" He coaxed, a maniacal gleam in his mahogany eyes.

* * *

Chafed that Naruto was out embarrassing team seven, Sasuke's eyes rolled back in contempt. "Maybe this escaped you two losers," he chastised Sakura. " But I'm here because we're meeting Kakashi for _training_ today…" 

_Oooops_! She cursed herself, too caught up in her delusions of stardom. The pink-haired Shinobi nodded apologetically to her comrade. "I'm sooo sorry, Sasuke-kun. I tried to stop him, but Naruto is relentless. He just…"

"Shut up. Let's just hope Kakashi-sensei is _detained_ more than usual…"

Hatake Kakashi, although perpetually unpunctual, somehow managed to be very timely—notably when someone was inconvenienced in the process. In this particular circumstance, Sasuke was the injured party when he noticed his sensei standing right behind him. "Sorry again team," he casually stated, conspicuously resting his eyes on Sasuke. "Seems I was _detained_ this morning. So, what's up?"

"Naruto is misrepresenting us again," Sasuke commented dryly, correctly resuming the situation at hand.

Glaring up at the dais, Kakashi observed quietly as his student trolled a tune about sausage. "How quaint. Are you auditioning too, Sasuke?"

"Perhaps after Naruto is done convincing the masses he has a sausage," he facetiously replied, hardly amused by the circumstances. "Or, more like, never in a million years."

Across the populous arena, Naruto was finalizing his aria on a catastrophic note. "And the sausage ran after _meee_, yeah! _Yeeeeah_!" He belted out, inadvertently massacring the melody. Boastfully turning to the producer, he patiently waited for his duly deserved compliments. "So, I get the lead part?" He half queried, half insisted, convinced that his next stop was Broadway.

"Let me put it this way, Naruto-kun," Kiba started, in as much disbelief as the rest of the gawking population. "If my movie were called: _Mr. Thicky gets shipped abroad and pelted with various decaying fruits_, then I'd cast you in the lead role…"

"That sounds great…wait a minute! That means you're **not** casting me?"

"Nicely spotted," Shino added nonchalantly from the background.

Meanwhile, the mortified Naruto walked back towards his team through the general hilarity—except for Hinata who could only look at him, eyes filled with compassion and admiration.

Noticing this, the disheartened Kiba moved on to the next in queue and spiritlessly called out to Nara Shikamaru.

* * *

"Hey! Naruto," Kakashi placidly greeted him, seemingly amused by his performance. 

"Sensei, what are you doing here?" Naruto gasped in shock, also forgetting this was a training day.

"We had training, you half-wit," Sakura exclaimed, winking at the fact that she also spaced out.

Kakashi smiled sheepishly. "Don't worry about it, since Sasuke wants to audition too, I propose we resume practice tomorrow. I'm counting on you, Sasuke."

"WHAT? I never said that…" Sasuke riposted with disdain. However, his point was moot—especially considering the fact his sensei already took it as his cue to disappear.

_Damn it!_ Naruto muttered over and over again to himself, incredibly distressed that Sasuke would get a chance to shine while he had been utterly humiliated. He glowered at his team as Sakura dragged the distraught Sasuke towards the auditions. "I must stop Sasuke and Kiba before they make me look worst…"

"Talking to yourself, Naruto-kun," Lee's smart-alecky voice inquired from behind. "I must say, great audition…"

"Thick-Brows! Boy, am I happy to see you," Naruto exclaimed.

"And wait till my puppet show lands me the lead…"

With all the cunning of a fox—a demon fox—Naruto slyly looked at his overconfident ninja confederate. If there was one person who could help him in his endeavors, it was an awkward outcast like Rock Lee. "So you think that with Sasuke auditioning, you'll get the part?"

Suddenly less self-assured, Lee was short for words.

"That's right," Naruto pursued. "Only Sasuke will shine…stupid Sasuke and his stupid Uchiha bloodline. That's why we have to sabotage this casting."

"Seriously, Naruto-kun," Lee indignantly said. "That's just mean!"

"Think about it; Kiba is getting too cocky. Best to remind him now who's the greatest ninja in Konoha…which, by the way, is **not** Sasuke!"

"Well, if it's for the common good…" Lee gradually advanced.

"Damn straight it is. As of now, operation _Down with Sasuke_ is underway!"


	3. A Very Evil Plot

**A/N**: Well, thanks to everyone who reviewed chapter two, you guys rock. I hope you've noticed that the rating for this story went up to Teen. I just woke up one morning and was in a pervy-limericky mood. So, to be sure no one gets offended, I've upped the rating. It's nothing too overt, though. I hope ya'll like this new addition to Kiba's little saga. Review, it gives me a happy.

**Disclaimer**: The usual. I don't own Naruto, no money is being made from this story and absolutely no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary**: Naruto and Lee, fancying themselves evil geniuses, put their lame plan to action; Shikamaru gets the motivation to not-audition; Sasuke is causing his own stir.

**References**:

1. _Tish and pish_, a very British expression I heard on the Black Adder. Best I stop watching the BBC, it's getting to my impressionable head.

I think that's all. If you spot something else, let me know.

* * *

**--Chapter 3--**

**A Very Evil Plot**

"Hold on there, Naruto," Lee cautioned, a bit overwhelmed by his recent conversion to the dark side. "Isn't that a little much?"

"There are no half-measures when it comes to bringing Kiba and Sasuke down," Naruto stated plainly before returning to a half-silent diatribe about sausage. Leaning suspiciously on the banister, the fox-boy waited patiently for Kiba or Shino to return to the arena like a sleazy car salesman waits for a gullible simpleton.

Unluckily for him, the unsuspecting Shino was the one to walk down the stairs. Unbeknownst to the mysterious bug Nin, he steadly marched straight into Naruto's—poorly—laid trap. Short on words upon noticing his fellow rookie, he simply acknowledged Naruto with a slight nod and absent-mindedly continued towards the arena.

"Shino! Wait!" Naruto pleasantly called out, abandoning his cunning spot on the handrail. "I've been wanting to see you."

"And now that you're done, I'll be on my way." He stated very matter-of-factly before seeing himself out of Naruto's company.

However, before the cryptic Shinobi could make his way down the corridor, Naruto was already in the process of putting his machiavellian plan to action. A calculating expression distorting his boorish features, he patiently waited until Shino was right where he wanted him. "LEE!" He suddenly yelled. "NOW!"

Uttering a piercing shriek, Konoha's Azure Beast violently tackled Shino, forcing him into an adjacent room.

Conspicuously looking left and right to make sure no one witnessed the assault or heard the weird _Lee-noise_ that accompanied the attack, Naruto whistled his way towards Shino, proud that he finally accomplished something. Closing the door behind him, he helped Lee secure Shino to a chair, steadfastly strapping him down. "Well, well, Shino," he started, twirling his whiskers in the manner of an evil genius. "We meet again."

"What are you talking about, cretin?" Shino demanded blatantly, incredulous as to what was happening. "You just tackled me a second ago."

"Tsk, tsk tsk," the Kyuubi host pursued, shaking his finger in reprimand, taking himself way too seriously. "I will put a stop to the Unholy Trinity that is you, Kiba and Sasuke."

Turning away from the ridiculous-looking Naruto, Shino glanced over at Lee. "I see dumb and dumberer have teamed up for the good of the nation." He could not even begin to fathom what they had in mind—assuming they had a mind. "Is this about the sausage song? Because if I must, I'll confess. It was, indeed, a euphemism for…something else."

"Shut up," Naruto snapped, bringing this pointless conversation to a screeching halt. "Lee, strip him. We need his coat and glasses." Using his cloning jutsu, Naruto immediately took on Shino's appearance and clad himself with the bug ninja's accessories.

"Good job, Naruto-kun," Lee congratulated his partner in crime, strangely eager to cause a ruckus. "Shino-kun, anything you'd like to say before we leave?"

Pondering very carefully, Shino nodded in agreement. "…A few things come to mind…"

His temper already ablaze, Naruto deeply frowned—an expression obviously foreign to the form he was taking. "Whatever you say, I'm Uzumaki Naruto and I'm going home the winner," he adamantly affirmed, cockily adjusting the sunglasses he had just stolen.

"And what home is that? A home for the mentally disadvantaged?"

"You'll soon eat those poorly chosen words, Shino."

--------------------

Down at the arena, Kiba, head firmly in hands, readied to carry on with the auditions without Shino. _That bastard, this is last time I force him into something. Mark my words_, he thought to himself, unnerved by Shino's mysterious disappearance. After the fiasco with Naruto's sausage song, Kiba scarcely expected anything interesting from Nara Shikamaru's audition and could dispense with Shino's presence. "Alright," he suddenly brought everyone to attention. "Shikamaru, you're up."

Hardly compelled to move, the slack artist sluggishly looked up as his name was called. "And why is it that I'm doing this?" Shikamaru demanded aloud; a question he intended primarily for himself.

"Your so lazy!" Ino exclaimed, trying to ignite some semblance of enthusiasm in her disabused teammate. "What if Kiba-kun acknowledges some talent in you? You'd get a role in a movie!"

Shikamaru glanced at Ino, a spark of bitterness to his stare. He was not very keen on getting the role—something he repeatedly pointed out to his hyperactive teammate on the way to the arena. "Acting is troublesome. And I wouldn't be surprised if Kiba just plans on keeping the better role for himself," he accurately guessed. "I wouldn't bother trying out if I were you."

"Tish and pish to that, Shikamaru," Chouji insisted as vehemently as Ino, ignoring his friend's previous admonition. "Fame attracts girls like a…a…giant attraction thing…"

"You mean a magnet?"

"Yeah!" Chouji acquiesced heatedly, reliving his own dream of celebrity in his head. "Can you imagine it?"

"Not really," he replied nonchalantly. Nevertheless, shutting his teammates up was motive enough for Shikamaru to audition. Shuffling past Sasuke and Sakura—the latter, pitifully trying to psyche him out with a funny face—he went to meet up with Kiba.

"Alright, well, your audition is pretty simple, Shikamaru…" Kiba started, but was soon cut off by Shino's voice calling from across the arena.

"HOLD IT!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. "Not so fast. There's a slight change of plans…"

_Is it just me or has something strange gotten into that ding-dong today_, Kiba questioned internally, a bit puzzled to be so easily bested by the chatteringly-challenged Shino. Giving a quick side-glance to Hinata, he noticed she also seemed fascinated by this sudden personality shift. _This is obviously a conspiracy against me… _Discouraged, he shook his head in contempt, impatiently strumming his fingers on the table as his teammate stole the show.

Swaggering his way towards the dais, Naruto, in the guise of Shino, was quite the one-man circus. After giving Ino a suggestive look, he pinched Chouji's cheeks patronizingly. "Hello there, little heifer," he addressed the pudgy ninja. "Can't wait to audition _you_ later…"

"The hell, Shino," Chouji coughed in disbelief.

Moving on to other things, the disguised Naruto leaped right next to Kiba and began announcing the new procedures of the casting call. "So, Shikamaru, ready for the audition of your life?"

"Not really. In fact, I think I'm gonna leave…"

"Not until you recite the little limerick I've prepared for you," the Shino clone warned with scorching intensity. "It goes a little something like this:

_This'll make the ladies cheer  
Ya'll come get it here  
If I look gay  
It's to keep you at bay  
I hope I made that clear_."

Before Naruto could get the satisfaction of embarrassing his ninja confederate, he was met with Shikamaru's back—the latter lackadaisically walking away, mumbling something about stupidity, Ino and troublesomeness. That was a low Shikamaru could never allow himself to reach.

However, everyone else in the room seemed unpleasantly taken aback; they had all fallen in a silent stupor. If there was one person in Konoha who was not the type to make up dirty limericks, it was Shino.

Kiba's jaw instantly dropped. "What the…" He uttered after a long silence. _That dolt just wants to run the show to piss me off! Nobody bosses Inuzuka Kiba around!_

"K-Kiba-kun," Hinata meekly stammered, interrupting her teammate's silent plotting. "What's gotten into Shino?"

"I don't know, but it reminds me of the stupid that gets into Naruto on a daily basis," Kiba remarked. "Damn it, everyone is out to get me…"

"Don't worry, Kiba-kun," the girl said in attempts to soothe her partner. "I'm sure your movie will be great anyway."

"It would be great if Shino remembered the plan. I'm the one who gets to humiliate everyone…" Kiba accidentally blurted out, confronting himself with Hinata's shocked expression. "Wait! Hinata! That's not what I meant…damn it!"

--------------------

"Wow…that was just…perverted." Sakura gasped in shock as her inner-self pouted, disappointed that Shikamaru had so blatantly refused to even utter the words.

"Yeah," Sasuke agreed, finding the situation all too suspicious. "And there's only one person I know who's _that_ dense…" The perceptive Uchiha suggested, cracking this case like an egg.

"Not…not who I think it is?"

"Yes. Exactly. And thanks to that dope, embarrassment descends upon us yet again."

The pink-headed girl quickly regained her composure, still chuckling internally at the dirty limerick. "I don't think there's anything we can do about it, Sasuke-kun…"

Irked by the disastrous turn this day was taking for him, Sasuke sharply glared at the girl. "Uchiha Sasuke doesn't just stand about. He takes action; decisive action. Let's find the real Shino and put a stop to Naruto's little sideshow…"

"Not so fast," Lee firmly said, obviously having eavesdropped on Sakura and Sasuke's conversation. "I can't let you do that, Sasuke-kun. You'll have to go through me first."


	4. Down with the Cretinous Duo!

**A/N**: Yeah, another chapter of _A Ninja's Tale_. Can you imagine? Prolly not. Anyway. we're two chapters short of the catastrophic ending. Will I beg for reviews? Maybe later.

**Disclaimer**: No money is made from this story. I'm simply ripping off the awesome characters of Masashi Kishimoto for my personal amusement. All credits go to him, except for the plot—which, for the sake of decency, should not be credited to anyone.

**References**: None to my knowledge. If you spot something, let me know. Leave it in a -coughs- review. Yeah, shameless plug.

**Summary**: Sasuke plays super-ninja-spy to get the goods on Naruto; Kiba patches things up with Hinata.

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---Chapter 4---  
Down with the Cretinous Duo!

"Lee! Lee!" Tenten called out to her unconscious teammate as she shook him vigorously. "Wake up," she hollered in his ear.

"Huh? Tenten?" Half-awake, Lee languidly inquired still shook-up by the sudden thrashing he received from his _friend_, Sasuke.

"No, it's the Pope, idiot. Get up!"

Lee's world was spinning uncontrollably—courtesy of the Uchiha prodigy—but Tenten's constant screeching pulled the young Genin back to reality. Looking up, his female comrade was kneeling over him. Eying her up, he noticed someone standing over her. Condescending, aloof, flashing a self-satisfied smirk, Neji cleared his throat. "Heh, still making a fool of yourself?"

Maybe it was Tenten's generic laugh following the comment or Neji taking a break from being disinterested to dish some scathing remarks, but something in Lee was shaken—not stirred. Humiliated, he dusted himself off, somewhat frustrated to have been so easily duped. Getting duped by Naruto was surely considered the bottom of the proverbial barrel. _This is the last time I listen to Mr. I've-got-shit-for-brains._

Regaining some form of seriousness, Tenten helped her friend back to his feet. "I just saw Kiba. He said you were to audition soon," she hesitantly said before adding, "there was this devilish glint in his eyes. I wouldn't do it if I were you, I think Kiba's gone power mad." Resolute, the brown-haired girl tried to drag Lee away from the arena.

It was to little avail, Konoha's Azure Beast never turns down a challenge. Naruto had been right about one thing: Sasuke, Kiba and Shino were an unholy trinity and needed to be stopped. But then again, so did Naruto. Something had to be done about all of them. Lee had to save face—especially in front of Tenten and Neji.

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"Sasuke-kun! What are we doing here?"

" I told you a thousand times, I'm going to sabotage Naruto. Instead of bugging me with your stupid questions, go back to the arena and leave me alone." After giving Lee a solid beating, Sasuke marched straight to Naruto's pitiful excuse for a room. Through the rancid smell of his comrade's rotting lunch—of last year—and Sakura, sucking all breathable air out of the room with her pointless questions, he began investigating his comrade's _humble_ abode.

"Sasuke-kun! What are you looking for?"

"Didn't I tell you to shut up, woman?" As his searching hands fell on a sealed box under Naruto's bed, Sasuke grinned at the notice posted on the cover. It said _'Personal. Hands off. Ultra secret.' _Naruto was very good at humiliating himself but, whatever Naruto could do, Sasuke could do better. And this time, the young Uchiha was about to prove that theory right—he had found what he was looking for.

"Sasuke-kun! What's that?"

…

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Meanwhile, Mr. I've-got-shit-for-brains—commonly known as Naruto—was hard at work at the auditions. Sitting right next to an aggravated Kiba, Naruto, still in the guise of Shino, had just finished auditioning Chouji. The pudgy ninja had left the stage unnerved and annoyed—for Naruto, that was a job well done.

What seemed even more satisfying was the sight of Kiba, fuming next to him. "That's it! You're not the boss. This is _my_ movie so keep your big mouth shut!" Normally, Kiba would not take this affront lightly but the nagging thought of losing Hinata kept him quiet while Naruto managed to convince Chouji to belly dance.

The rookies would of all went home after that last stunt, if not for the fact that everyone took Kiba's movie slogan very seriously. Instead of _'Stupid actors for a stupid movie'_, Kiba had settled with a simpler, more to-the-point tagline that everyone could relate to: _'Audition for my movie or I'll kick you in the nuts.' _

However, before Lee could have his turn, Kiba called a break. Somewhat suspicious of Shino's behavior and Naruto's mysterious disappearance, it didn't take long before the bright and talented Inuzuka boy put two and two together and decided to take a look around.

Walking across the hallway of the upper floor of the arena, he came face to face with no other than Hinata, who was looking for Naruto. Slightly blushing at the sight of her teammate, the black-haired girl stopped in her tracks and politely waved. "Hey Kiba," she softly said. "S-s-sorry about earlier."

"Hey, no problem, Hinata!" Kiba shot out happily. Apologizing to Hinata was turning out easier than he had planned—especially that she was the one apologizing to him. "Have you seen Shino?"

"Yeah, he's still on the dais…doing s-something i-in-indecent…."

_Damn that bastard! If it's Naruto, he's going to be sorry. _Distracting Kiba from his musings was Hinata, a frightened expression about her, as the ninken shinobi gleamed with malice, picturing the sensational kicking of both Shino and Naruto's asses—one of those two birds, one stone things. "Being the genius that I am," Kiba began on a lighter note, never missing a chance to boast to Hinata. "I think that's not the real Shino."

"You think that why, Kiba-kun?" You think, period, is what she should of asked. But that was not something Hinata would say.

"A little sausage whispered it to me," he chuckled, proud of his inside joke—although it only rewarded him with a strange look on Hinata's front. Indeed, the imagery was disturbing.

Their pleasant chitchat was suddenly interrupted by a distant, familiar voice, calling out from a room down the hall. "In here, you morons."

"That was Shino's voice," Hinata gasped.

Riled up and annoyed, Kiba was already grated by his friend's voice. "That's it! I'm abandoning you here. Now, who's the moron?"

"Still you if you don't untie me…_moron_."

"Ugh!" Kiba would of left Shino there. On second thought, Naruto was easier to deal with. He would of walked away if it was not for Hinata, who had raced down the hall and straight towards the far-right room near the staircase. Closing the door behind him, Kiba cockily leaned on the wall, mocking his friend and how easily he had been tricked. "You've been had by Naruto? I mean, who the hell gets had by Naruto, eh?"

Hinata and Shino stayed silent, but the latter was exasperatedly rolling his eyes back.

"But I'm officially annoyed," Kiba pursued, still a cocky air about him. "That Naruto. How could he dare annoy me with his lame excuse for a sabotage."

"Yeah," Shino detachedly agreed. "That's _your_ racket."

Ticked off, Kiba fought the urge to whack Shino a good one and focused on the problem at hand; Naruto. "How did he do it?"

"He was helped by that weirdo, Lee."

For Kiba, that was the last straw. Being bested by Naruto was one thing, but throw in Lee and that was an offense he could not let slide. Running the gamete on cunning plans was not Kiba's trade, but come to think of it, it was not Naruto's either. And, whatever Naruto could do, someone out there could do it better. It was Kiba's turn. "Well, I've got a plan of my own."

"You're going to disguise yourself as Lee and act gay? Pointless if you ask me, that bridge's been crossed-"

"Shut up! I've got a plan ten times more brilliant than theirs. Operation _Down with the Cretinous Duo_ is on!"

Unfortunately for Inuzuka Kiba, he was much more like Naruto than he'd like to admit.


End file.
